Creme de la Crime with Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis (radio parody/spoof investigation series)

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Creme de la Crime with Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis (radio parody/spoof investigation series)

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Creme de la Crime Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis Comedy series in which a T. V. detective and a crime expert use a daring mixture of reconstructions, interviews, music and noises to dramatically recreate intriguing and chilling acts of criminality. Gasp in horror as Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis bring you tales of murder, deception and murder. In "Creme de la Crime", Hugh Dennis plays Michael Feydeau, the narrator, TV’s much-loved Inspector Niblett. Steve Punt plays David Pershore, the investigative reporter, author of 'A Nice Sit Down with Some Horrific Murderers'. Directed by Adam Bromley Series One 1)  '20,000 Leaks Under The Sea'  (Wednesday 19th September 2001 @ 11:15 p.m.) Treason is not a pretty crime, therefore, early on the morning of March 16th 1913 there were few tears shed as Heinz Harold Retsinberger took the short walk to the gallows. His crime: divulging secrets of the Royal Navy. But crime connoisseurs have asked themselves one question ever since: Did the right man tumble through the trap door that winter morning or was the real traitor still at large? As David Pershore will show, the truth is stranger - and certainly truer - than fiction. With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Emma Kennedy and Simon Greenhall. 2)  'The Cheese Killer'  (Wednesday 26th September 2001 @ 11:15 p.m.) Murder has been part of the human condition ever since Kane slew Abel, reducing the population of the planet from four to three. Yes, even in the Garden of Eden 25% of people were murderers. This is the story of Charles Sparrow. He was a mild-mannered grocery assistant from Enfield, North London, but in the 1930s he would become a household name like Ajax or Germiloids. Charles Sparrow was known the length and breath of the land by his better known soubriquet, 'The Cheese Killer'. David Pershore follows his trail... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. 3)  'The Bells and St. Clement'  (Wednesday 3rd October 2001 @ 11:15 p.m.) Six hundred years ago the monastary of St. Germain, set high among the river Tamar, was a place of contemplation and peace until one summer's evening in 1215. A monk plunges to his doom and the modern mind jumps to one conclusion - murder. Medieval England was a harsh place. Black Death stalked the land like a plague. In hindsight, we now know that it actually was a plague which is why so many people died of it. But no group of disease carrying fleas - no matter how well organised - would be capable of pushing a grown man off a bell tower. So who did? David Pershore visited the ruins of St. Germain to find out... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau].   4)  'A Bowl Full of Serial Killers'  (Wednesday 10th October 2001 @ 11:15 p.m.) 10:30 p.m., the 27th September 1994. And in the darkened basement of a lonely house near Hopkins, Ohio, a lone detective faces a faceless foe. What happened in that cellar was the climax of an amazing tale of murder, more murder, and a touch more murder. David Pershore takes up the story... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. 5)  'Heist Society'  (Wednesday 17th October 2001 @ 11:15 p.m.) Sometimes the public have the mistaken idea that crime is somehow romantic. A vicious 18th-century armed robber could be foolishly described by Adam Ant as a dandy highwayman. This association between fashion and crime became characterized by one era above all, that Era was the swinging sixties. It was this fab gear world that saw one of the greatest crimes never to have hit the front pages and thereby hangs a tale. David Pershore takes up the story of the heist that went unnoticed... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. 6)  'A Death on the Ocean Wave'  (Wednesday 24th October 2001 @ 11:15 p.m.) Sometimes murders are planned so meticulously that we do not even get a hint of a wiff of a suspicion that they may have taken place. Sometimes, murder may appear to be a simple accident or misadventure until a second death, more obviously murder, makes us realise that death 'one' deceived the detectives. That if death 'two' was murder, then death 'one' was murder, too, and deaths 'one' and 'two' were murder one. So it was with this story's sad victim. On the 22nd December 1922, the S.S. Moritainia left America bound for South Hampton. The mood on board was one of excitment - for it was an open secret that the vessel would be attempting to break her own record for the fastest transatlantic crossing. The Blue Ribbon voyage that this was to be had attracted many of the wealthy and famous from New England's society who that night sat at the Captain's table to eat the fish fingers, frozen cod fillets, and fisherman's pie for which it was, and is, famous. Among the passangers, Louis B. Horngold, the octogenarian, Missouri, paper-clip millionaire and his 22-year-old  a dancer. More suspiciously it was said that she had made the first advance when she sidled over and asked if she could oil the bearings on his bath chair. They decided to marry as soon as his pulse became normal and it did so in a ceremony four hours later. By the time they had arrived in South Hampton, however, the mood was rather different (South Hampton tends to do that to people). But it was something more. For somewhere in the icy mid-atlantic, Louis B. Horngold, paper-clip millionaire, was missing - presumed drowned. David Pershore takes up the story... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Series Two 7)  'Six Feet Down Under'  (Wednesday 15th May 2002 @ 11:15 p.m.) The story begins on the 14th March 1824. Digby Baines-Bagby, Lord Dawkin, was found stabbed to death with an entire dinner service. He had 12 steak knives in his chest; six forks in each leg; skull battered with a soup ladle; and a single silver spoon in his mouth. His body was found by his brother Dougal Baines-Bagby, who was so overcome with shock that his only words were "What on earth are we going to eat with tonight?". The coroner recorded a verdict of 'Death by Cutlery' but his murderer was never found. It was his brother, Dougal, who wrote in his diary "There may be some divine providence in this for poor Mary who sleeps with Neptune". This strange comment went unnoticed. It took two whole centuries for the truth to come to light. David Pershore takes up the extraordinary story... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Ewan Bailey, Emma Kennedy, and Chris Pavlo. 8)  'A Pyramid Scheme'  (Wednesday 22nd May 2002 @ 11:15 p.m.) On 21st April 1922, as the Egyptian sun rose over the great step pyramid of Incatep, the british aristocrat, Arthur, Lord Clewick, and a young egyptalogist, Morton Hurst, stood on the threshold of what they believed to be the greatest archaeological find of the century. It was a big claim. Certainly for 'Finder of the Year' it was a shoo-in and for the Cardinal Times Archaeological Find of the Month competition, no one else was even applying. For, after an 18 1/2 month dig, Hurst and Clewick had broken through into the anteroom of the burial chamber itself... But the harsh rule under which they worked was not the only thing making the locals unhappy. They were also in a state of barely disguised terror. For to open a burial chamber was to incure the wrath of Osirus, God of the Underworld... So the two friends entered alone. For an hour, all seemed well. Treasures were passed from the chamber... The levity was almost at an end. Clewick sent word that they were about to open the sarcophagus of Incatep himself... It was about to be the last thing that Arthur, Lord Clewick, would ever do. Those who did enter the chamber would never forget what they saw. The photograph was telephoned to the Monday Times who's report fascinated the British public... The Curse of Incatep had claimed it's first victim  - or had it? David Pershore takes up the story... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Ewan Bailey, Olivia Coleman, and Chris Pavlo. 9)  'The Lord and Mike Sheppard'  (Wednesday 29th May 2002 @ 11:15 p.m.) 12th January 1972. A phone call to Belgravia Police Station from the London home of Lord Marmaduke Dukane, made by the moustachioed peers' columbian cleaner, marks the start of one of the most enduring mysteries of the modern age... well, perhaps not quite the start. Thinking it was a wrong number, they cut her off. It was only four phone calls later, did they finally act. When the police arrived, they found a strange scene. The victim was not Mrs. Dukane at all, it was the family dog walker, who was dressed in Mrs. Dukane's clothes, in an attempt to persuade a particular recalcitrant Shitsu to accept her, she was heavily concussed and had lost a lot of blood which had been smothered in salt, covered with J-clothes and then scrubbed with a soft brush and detergent before being left to dry. A policewoman from forensic took the cleaner to one side and then quietly and delicately gave her a good slapping. The dog walker described her attacker: "Um, well, um, he was tall, well spoken, clearly an excellent mimic - he sounded exactly like Lord Dukane, um, and also he wore a sophistcated prosetic mask which made him look exactly like him, too" and the policeman replies "Well, that puts Lord Dukane in the clear". But Lord Dukane was not around to appreciate the fortune. And to this day, in spite of the 100,000 pound reward on offer for the attempted murderer, his whereabouts remain a mystery. David Pershore tells the tale... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Ewan Bailey, Emma Kennedy, and Stephen Kidman. 10)  'The Spy Who Laughed Me'  (Wednesday 5th June 2002 @ 11:15 p.m.) A tale of treason. 1945, and after a final push by the allies, the Second World War is over. Now began the task of dismantling Hitler's Reich. The story begins in Vienna where David Pershore went on expenses to follow the trail... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Barry Cryer, Ewan Bailey, Olivia Coleman, and Chris Pavlo. Series Three 11)  'The Quiller Killer'  (Wednesday 2nd April 2003 @ 11:15 p.m.) An American author has an extraordinary theory on Marlowe's murder. Murder and the theatre have always walked hand-in-hand. For one famous wordsmith, murder was more than a figure of speech. It was all too real. For now a new book has shed fresh light on the killing of the second greatest playwright of the Elizabethan Age. David Pershore investigates... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Ewan Bailey and Emma Kennedy. 12)  'The Lies of the Artists'  (Wednesday 9th April 2003 @ 11:15 p.m.) In the arts it is a lucky few who possess a genius so immense, so undeniable that it will separate them from their peers and be remembered down the generations. At the Royal College of Art, there have been few as blessed as Peter Cobett, and yet his talent did not lead to a house in Chelsea, lunches at the Ivy and the Pro Celebrity Golf Tournament - they led to crime to a life spent hidden in a small, poncione in Venice and in July 1981, to a long, expected visit from the policia... The room in which the policemen burst stuned them both. For every inch of every wall was covered with the paintings of the great masters which could mean one of two things - that the owner was selling the flat and trying desperately to cover a damp problem or that Interpol had found the counterfeiter for whom they had spent four years searching. Genius serving falsehood. Still, better that than to wallow in the depths of mediocrity like David Pershore - he takes up the story... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. 13)  'Carion Up the Jungle'  (Wednesday 16th April 2003 @ 11:15 p.m.) Tonight's tale is from the era of sail. At the height of the peak of the summit of the power of Nelson's navy, H.M.S. Poseidon, a 68-gun Frigate, was apparently chasing a Dutch vessel attacked off Batavia, which it found in a tropical storm - it was lost with all hands... Despite a heroic display of jargon, for which he was later posthumously awarded a medal at a not very plain English Award, Captain Frogett was said to have gone down with his ship. This was not difficult as sailors could not swim at the time. Incredibly, it was not until the 20th Century that anyone suggested that a career in the Royal Navy could be usefully enhanced by a certificate for a 25-yard breaststroke. An exception was Lord Nelson himself, who could swim though after losing his arm at the 'Battle of the Nile', only in very small circles. And thus, the Poseidon vanished for nearly two centuries. Now, however, she has remerged and brought with her a trail of mutiny, murder, and mayhem that covers half the globe. David Pershore investigates... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Ewan Bailey, Olivia Coleman, and Stephen Kinman. 14)  'Miscarriage for Justice'  (Wednesday 23rd April 2003 @ 11:15 p.m.) Tune in this evening for a tale that involves murder, deception, murder, Bolsheviks, murder and a bit more murder. In our darkest moments, have we not all wished harm to our lover, our partner, or those who cause the cancellation of their series. Yet murder and any other crime may simply be a side show in the game of revenge. Of course, every crime has a victim but sometimes it has two. Both he who's life or goods are taken and the innocent suspect framed with the crime. One such was Captain 'Kit' Mallard of the Royal Navy. In the summer of 1915, whilst on shore leave, he returned to his Mayfield flat and an unexpected sight. He finds Henderson, his servant murdered. Faced with such potentially incrimenating circumstances, Mallard decided he must flea which could only serve to implicate him further. But why? The talentless David Pershore picks up the trail... With Steve Punt [David Pershore] and Hugh Dennis [Michael Feydeau]. Also starring Ewan Bailey, Olivia Coleman, and Stephen Kinman. Creme de la Crime with Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis (radio parody/spoof investigation series) murder, mystery, crime, spoof, parody, silly, death, deaths, english, england, uk, united kingdom, british, comedy, radio, series